Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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