so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
