all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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