you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
