He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
