EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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