So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
