Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
