Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
