Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
