I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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