if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I didn't notice because vodka
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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