I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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