I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
