Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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