I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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