Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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