I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
