so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
