mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
