the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
