it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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