after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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