it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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