My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
