It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
