walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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