sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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