We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
