Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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