Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
