Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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