BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
