Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
