Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
