I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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