Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
