I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
