My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
