i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
