i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
