: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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