I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
