i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
