eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
