a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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