This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
