This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
