Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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