Your tits are I can't wait for
i love accidental penises.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
