just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
