yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
