I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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