He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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